A Very Muggle Christmas
by in fantasy
Summary: Christmas one-shot. Set during Christmas holidays of the Marauders' sixth year, could probably be canon if you squint. James and Sirius invite themselves to Remus's countryside home for a Muggle Christmas. What could possibly go wrong? Warning: Remus/Sirius slash included, rated M for explicit scenes.


**A Very Muggle Christmas**

**Disclaimer: **Let's see… yes indeed, the world of Harry Potter still belongs to J. K. Rowling.

**Story Summary**: Set during Christmas holidays of the Marauders' sixth year, could probably be canon if you squint. James and Sirius invite themselves to Remus's countryside home for a Muggle Christmas. What could possibly go wrong?

**Warning: **This includes Remus/Sirius slash. Don't like, don't read.

**A/N: **This is silly and short, shameless smut with extra fluff and sprinkles on top, just because it's Christmas. Consider it part Christmas gift, part feeling-guilty-for-neglecting-LMITS one-shot. Peter isn't in this mainly because I didn't feel like including him. Anyway, enjoy, all you Wolfstar fans, and Merry Christmas to all (and to all a good night)!

* * *

_Love came down at Christmas;  
Love all lovely, love divine;  
Love was born at Christmas,  
Stars and angels gave the sign.  
_~ Christina Rossetti, "Love came down at Christmas"

* * *

_Christmas Eve, 6.30pm_

Remus stood in the middle of his family's living room and gazed around in horror. It was a complete mess. The long banquet table, pieced together from all the tables in the house his mother could find and had placed strategically in the middle of the room to accommodate the large number of visitors this Christmas, had collapsed halfway. Food was all over the floor. Roasted turkey with a chestnut stuffing, mashed potatoes, honey-baked ham, cherry trifle, brussels sprouts (except he didn't care that much about the brussels sprouts), and the glorious Christmas pudding that had been the centerpiece now looked more like Jackson Pollock artwork on the carpet. The presents had been blown apart, wrapping paper still fluttered serenely to the ground, and there was glitter all over the furniture.

And the tree. Remus's heart sank even further as he stared at the sad looking wooden stump that remained, teetering, next to the fireplace.

There was the sound of scuffling at the living room entrance. Slowly, he turned.

Sirius and James stood side by side with identical puppy-dog expressions of guilt. A half broken ornament dangled from Sirius's messy mop of hair.

"Sorry, Moony," they chorused.

Remus simply stared. He was so furious that his brain was having trouble processing and forming words.

Sirius bit his lip. "Moony—the book said the spell was intermediate and that chances of it going wrong was next to nothing—"

"It's ruined." Remus's voice was hollow. "You've ruined Christmas."

Sirius took a step forward, looking desperate. "Moony, I swear we didn't mean for it to—"

Remus wasn't listening. "My folks – not to mention twenty or thirty relatives – will be back in half an hour. You _know _what this holiday means to me. And you _promised_. Howcould you…" He sucked in a breath and looked away from Sirius's beseeching gaze. "I need some air," he muttered. Ignoring both of the boys standing at the doorway, he pushed past them and headed outside.

It was snowing. Remus had never spent much time at his mother's family home in Wales, but he loved the tranquil beauty of it. He made his way down the road, shoving his hands deep into his coat pockets and ducking his chin into his scarf to stop his teeth from chattering. Angrily, he thought back to when this had all started. It had begun, naturally, as one of Sirius's brilliant ideas.

###

_Gryffindor Common Room, Hogwarts, About One Week Ago_

"Moony, you should spend Christmas here," Sirius said, lifting his head slightly from where it had been resting on Remus's lap to look at him properly. "With me. Just us. Come on! It'll be really romantic." He winked. "We can shoo any lower years away and have the common room to ourselves, make each other really sappy homemade gifts, cuddle in front of the fireplace, and naturally play a prank or two on the lonesome Slytherins whose families have unfortunately abandoned them at school for the holidays…" His voice drifted off, a dreamy look in his eyes.

Remus raised an eyebrow. "As thrilling as that sounds, Padfoot," he said dryly, "my folks are inviting the whole family to celebrate Christmas this year together. I'm going to be at my mum's old countryside house in Wales."

Sirius wrinkled his nose. "Countryside house in _Wales_?"

"Yes," Remus said defensively. "What's wrong with that?"

"Nothing," Sirius said quickly, catching Remus's glare. "That sounds really nice, Moony. Lovely. Really. Er, really homey and—"

"What Sirius is trying to say," James interrupted, oblivious to Sirius's blustering attempt to be subtle, "is that it sounds downright boring, Moony. Right, Pads?"

Remus transferred his glare to James, who was at the moment was building a card house with a pack of exploding snap cards, the tip of his tongue poking out of the corner of his mouth. He'd managed to build up to six stories high so far.

"It is not boring," Remus said in his best I'm-a-prefect-and-you're-not-so-shut-up voice. "Christmas is meant to be a time that you spend together with your folks and family and—"

"—and Granny and Gramps and little nieces and nephews and all your Christmassy doodads and whatsits," Sirius said, rolling his eyes. "But you do that every year, Rem. Let's do something different this year! Come on," a wicked glint in his eye, Sirius pulled himself up on an elbow and leaned in till he was an inch away from Remus's face. "It's our first Christmas as a couple, Moony. Let's celebrate."

Ignoring the fact that his pulse had suddenly doubled at Sirius's close proximity, Remus stood from the couch, unceremoniously letting Sirius roll to the floor with a surprised yelp. "I'm going upstairs to pack," he said sourly. "I happen to enjoy all my Christmassy _doodads and whatsits_. I'll see you all after the holidays." He stomped towards the stairs in what he hoped was a manly fashion, and ignored the minor explosion and James's loud "oh, fuck" that occurred in his wake.

He'd thought that would be the end of the subject. Instead that night, Sirius snuck into Remus's bed and whispered, "I'm sorry for mocking your Christmas traditions, Moony. Forgive me?"

Still feeling sulky, Remus curled up on his side, closed his eyes, and pretended to be asleep.

"I know you're awake."

He let out what he considered a rather realistic snore.

"You can't fool me, Moony."

Remus almost jumped out of his skin when he felt Sirius's fingers running over his chest. He squeezed his eyes shut in determination.

"If you're not going to talk to me, then I might have to use other means…"

Sirius's hand, Remus felt, was now being decidedly unfair. It had begun drifting lightly, teasingly southwards.

"…You know I can be very persuasive, Moony…"

He couldn't quite hold back the sharp intake of breath when Sirius's hand finally reached its goal, sliding underneath the waistband of his boxers smoothly and wrapping his fingers around him. He was already half-hard.

"…Please?"

It wasn't so much the word as the way it was spoken that finally undid Remus; soft and longing and husky with desire. With a groan, Remus reached behind him, grabbed a handful of Sirius's hair and pulled him in roughly for a kiss, his other hand scrabbling at the zip on Sirius's trousers. He heard Sirius moan as he ran his hand over the bulge of his pants before he finally managed to get the zip undone. He started slowly, moving his hand up and down Sirius's shaft, before speeding up to match Sirius.

Heated breaths, racing pulses, hands everywhere. Remus closed his eyes and gave in to the raw sensations, his breath coming out fast against Sirius's lips, and he was getting closer, oh so close…

He felt Sirius run his thumb flat across the tip of his shaft and he cried out as he came. Seconds later, Sirius did the same, and they both lay there for a few moments, catching their breath.

When he finally opened his eyes, Remus found himself gazing straight into Sirius's own slightly sheepish face. Leaning over, he gave his boyfriend a slow, lingering kiss. "Remind me to get mad at you more often," he said breathlessly.

"Not difficult for you I'm sure, Moony-bear," Sirius drawled lazily.

Reaching behind him, Remus grabbed his pillow and then thumped Sirius across the head with it.

"_Oomph!_" Sirius spluttered. "Ow! What was that for?"

"I _told _you never to call me that again," Remus said, primly tucking the pillow back under his head.

"Moony-bear?" Sirius's eyes flashed with a familiar Marauder glint. "But it's so _cute_." He laughed and gave Remus a quick kiss when he threatened to reach for his pillow again. "Jokes, Moony."

They both lay there for a while, next to each other on Remus's bed, before Sirius finally broke the silence again, voice now slightly hesitant.

"Rem?"

"Mm?"

"Why haven't you invited me?"

"What?" Remus opened one bleary eye and rolled over to study Sirius.

"Why haven't you invited me to spend Christmas with you?"

Now fully awake, Remus sat up, staring at him. He could feel himself starting to panic slightly. "I—er. Well. Honestly, I didn't think you'd be interested."

Sirius gave an exaggerated pout. "Moony, I'm _hurt_," he proclaimed, throwing an arm out theatrically, although not quite theatrically enough to fool Remus.

Remus had never fallen down a black hole, but he felt that it would be quite akin to exactly what he was feeling now. He started babbling. "Well, it's at my mum's country house, Sirius. All of my relatives on my mum's side will be there. They're all Muggles and they don't know anything about magic. It would be a completely magic-free Christmas, and I didn't think you'd enjoy that, you know? At all. Look, Pads, I'm really sorry if that hurt you, I mean if you'd really like to come…" He drifted off, catching the very familiar glint in Sirius's eye. "Oh, no no _no_—" He began.

"Oh, yes yes _yes_," Sirius crowed. "Magic-free Christmas sounds exactly like the sort of challenge a Marauder like me loves." He flashed Remus a grin that Remus considered altogether far too gleeful. "I would _love _to come for Christmas, Moony darling. Thank you for inviting me." He planted a full kiss on Remus's lips and bounded off his bed and out the door, leaving Remus staring after him and wondering dazedly exactly _what _had just occurred.

Things happened quite quickly after that. Of course, once James found out, he'd immediately said he would be going as well, since "I can't trust you to control this mangy pup, Moony, I mean come on", and then proceeded to exchange an extremely Marauder-ish look with the mangy pup in question that made Remus feel as though James's presence would only contribute to the chaos – because no doubt about it, with Sirius involved there definitely _would _be chaos – rather than help control it.

Nevertheless, it was somehow settled, and after bidding goodbye to a rather forlorn looking Peter (who had to unavoidably spend Christmas with his own family), they descended the Hogwarts Express and onto the platform, where Remus's parents were waiting for them with big (if slightly apprehensive) smiles.

And really, all things considering, things had gone fine for the first few days. Sirius and James had been on their best behaviour, always polite and well-mannered, and so entirely anti-Marauderish that Remus had been fooled into thinking that it could, perhaps, just maybe be a good Christmas after all.

And then came James's Christmas present from his parents, Owled to him a day early on Christmas Eve from his father. That, Remus thought, was really where everything started going wrong.

###

_Christmas Eve, 2.30pm_

"Padfoot, _look_!"

Remus, on his way up the stairs to the guest room, paused warily outside the door at the excited tone of James's voice. There were really only two things that could make James Potter excited: the first was anything related to Lily Evans, and the second was anything to do with pranks.

Which meant James had just gotten a new idea for a prank. Which could never be good.

Apprehensively, Remus turned the doorknob and peeked into the room.

James and Sirius were both sitting on James's bed, heads bent low over something. Remus saw discarded glittery wrapping paper lying on the floor, and a rather irritated looking owl sitting on the windowsill, which Remus recognized as the Potter's.

"Er, James…" Remus said, eyeing the owl carefully. The Potter's owl – Remus couldn't remember its name, it was something like Hooty or Wooty – looked like it was getting ready to take a stab at James's head. "Your owl…"

James looked up in surprise. "Oh, Mephisto!" (_Whoops, _Remus thought) "Sorry, I forgot. Here you go." He tossed a couple of crackers from his pocket to the owl, who hooted happily. Remus watched as James hurriedly scribbled, on a scrap piece of paper, _Love it thanks much see you soon much love James_, attach it to Mephisto's leg, and watched it fly off.

Duty done, James turned to Remus, grinning. "Look what my folks got me for Christmas!"

"You're not supposed to open that until tomorrow, Prongs," Remus said reprovingly, though he couldn't stop himself from getting a closer look.

"Some things are worth opening early, Moony," Sirius said, dropping Remus a lewd wink and making him roll his eyes.

James waved the comment away dismissively. "Oh, they won't care. Look what it is, though!"

It was a book. Raising an eyebrow that James Potter could actually get excited at a _book_, Remus flipped the cover over to look at the title and his heart sank.

_101 Magical Tricks and Tips for Young Wizards_  
By Ghertie Bluebottom  
74th Edition

"It's got all sorts of amazing stuff in it, Remy," said Sirius, who'd snuck up behind Remus while he quietly tried not to panic. He wrapped his arms around Remus's waist and hugged him from behind. "Like the How-To-Enlarge-Your-Short-Term-Memory-For-Exams spell, or the Hanging-People-By-Their-Underwear spell, or… "

Remus disentangled himself from Sirius, mind whirling. "You two have to _promise _you're not going to use anything from this book until Christmas is over," he said, in his best I'm-A-Prefect voice.

Sirius sidled around and sat down on the bed, looking up at Remus with puppy dog eyes. "But, Moony…" He pouted.

_I will not be swayed_, Remus chanted inwardly. "_Promise_," he insisted. He met the two appeasing gazes with flat determination.

Finally, Sirius sighed. "Oh, alright. Promise. Right, Prongs?" He jabbed his fellow partner-in-crime with his elbow.

James rolled his eyes. "Oh fine. Promise, Moony. Happy?"

Feeling anything but happy, Remus eyed his two best friends distrustfully. James he had entirely no faith in at all. Since he and Sirius had started dating, he had been better with controlling the prankish-side of him (as Remus called it), but Remus knew that Sirius could never resist a good prank.

Sirius got up and swung his arm over Remus's shoulders. "Don't worry, Moony," he said, which only Remus worry more, "James and I'll be good. Don't you have to help your mum cook today?"

Remus did. The annual Christmas dinner was held on Christmas Eve every year and it was usually an elaborate affair, with preparations beginning since the morning. "What about—" He began, as Sirius started propelling him towards the door.

"Go on, Rem," Sirius said. "Prongs and I have other things to occupy ourselves with. I'm sure your mum doesn't want us cluttering up the kitchen. We'll only be in the way." He gave Remus a quick kiss. "We'll come find you in a couple hours, yeah?"

Warily, Remus allowed himself to be nudged out the door and down the stairs. He failed to notice James's frantic waving and Sirius hurrying back into the room and shutting the door behind him.

###

_Christmas Eve, 6.15pm_

"I'm just going to go pick everyone up from the airport with your father, Remus," Hope Lupin said, coming into the kitchen to where her son was busy mashing an enormous pot of potatoes. "I think everything's almost ready – I've just pulled the turkey out of the oven. We'll be back by seven, so perhaps just pop everything back in the oven ten minutes before then to warm it up again. Right, I'm off."

"Okay, Mum," Remus called over his shoulder, with a mouth full of mashed potatoes.

He felt his mother hesitate and he turned to look at her inquiringly.

"Your friends are still upstairs?" She asked.

Remus flashed a smile, the comforting smile of a son to his mother that was meant to say _everything's fine_. "They'll be good, Mum."

"Alright." Hope Lupin gave her son a wave and headed towards the door. "If anything goes wrong, just give me a call."

Remus gave a final mash of the potatoes as he heard his parents drive off. Scraping it into a dish and inhaling the warm creamy and buttery scent, Remus set the dish down on the table, humming _Walking in a Winter Wonderland _under his breath.

Idly, he wondered what Sirius and James were up to.

The next few moments happened in a flash.

Remus heard James's shout of, "Wait, Sirius, no!" Echo from somewhere upstairs. Then there was the sound of thundering footsteps on the staircase.

Startled, Remus turned just in time to see a jet of light shoot past the kitchen door. The next thing he heard was a loud explosion from the dining room, followed by the sound of smashing cutlery. Then Sirius's low, "Oh, fuck."

Slowly, Remus inched towards the door, praying to every god he knew that somehow, it wasn't as bad as he was imagining it.

It'd been even worse.

###

_Christmas Eve, 6.55pm_

Now as he wandered around outside in the snow, Remus found that he was getting increasingly panicked as to what he was going to tell his parents when they returned with a busload of relatives.

_Sorry, Mum, but things seem to have gotten a little bit out of hand._

_Well, see, my friends have these uncontrollable urges not to listen to others. Especially me. Even though we're meant to be best friends. I know, right?_

_My boyfriend can be a prick._

The sound of crunching ice and tires on snow brought him out of his thoughts for a moment. He watched as the doors to the bus opened and immediately the sound of twenty Welsh voices started chattering at once. In front of the bus, his parents got out of the family car. His heart sank as his father headed straight towards him. "Six fifty-eight! How's that for timing eh, son?" Lyall Lupin grinned, ruffled his son's hair affectionately, and leaned over conspicuously. "You have to help get me through this evening, Remus. There's about eighteen too many in-laws here for me to deal with." He straightened up again as a large woman came wobbling in his direction. Remus watched as his father waved her towards the front door. He could hear him talking as they headed inside. "Miranda! Yes, yes, hello, come this way, this is the way in…if you don't mind just taking off your boots in the hallway… oh no, the we're eating in the living room, to your right, yes… yes, this way…"

Remus closed his eyes and braced himself for the scream. Instead, all he heard was silence, before his Aunt Miranda exclaimed, "Oh, how _lovely!_"

Thinking he must be going mad, Remus hurried through the door after them, pushing through a throng of relatives to get to the living room first.

He froze as soon as he took a step through the door, and for the second time that day, Remus Lupin found himself standing speechless in the middle of his living room, staring around him.

Except this time, instead of an utter mess, the living room had been reinstated to its original glory – and more. The table had miraculously been set back to its original state, the food somehow reinstated and spontaneously reheated. The Christmas tree appeared to have re-grown and re-decorated itself with baubles and tinsel and fairy lights, and the pile of presents had re-appeared. More decorations decked the rest of the previously bare living room, edging the walls and circling the TV screen, hanging over the fireplace. The entire room seemed to glitter with crystals hanging in every corner. Remus stood still, gazing around him.

Then two immaculately dressed young men appeared before him. It took him a moment to realize they were Sirius and James, cleaned up in identical tuxes. Sirius, an extremely nervous smile on his face, stepped forward hesitantly. "Merry Christmas, Moony," he said.

Remus stared at the boy in front of him. "Sirius," he said weakly. "You… planned this?"

Sirius shrugged sheepishly, wriggling in his shoes. "I didn't know what to get you for Christmas," he said, two pink spots appearing on either side of his cheeks.

"So you decided to give me a heart attack?" Remus said wryly. He took a step forward.

Sirius wriggled even more uncomfortably. "Well, technically, it's called the Christmas-Surprise-For-A-Loved-One spell," he said, lowering his voice so that the murmuring family behind Remus couldn't hear. "It gives the illusion that everything's gone wrong, when really, it was fine all along."

Remus stopped directly in front of his boyfriend. Sirius wriggled harder, nervously meeting Remus's gaze and then eyeing the small crowd of relatives that had gathered at the doorway. "Erm, Rem…"

"You," Remus declared. "Are such a selfish idiot." He smiled slightly, expression softening as a look of alarm began spreading over Sirius's face. "But you're _my _selfish idiot," he added, and grabbing Sirius by the chin, pulled him in for a kiss.

"Damn right I am," Remus heard Sirius murmur against his lips, and kissed him even harder, ignoring the cat calls in the background and James's mock vomit noises. Breaking off the kiss, he drew Sirius in for a hug.

"Thank you, Pads," Remus said, voice muffled against Sirius's shoulder.

"I promise I won't use magic again at all until Christmas is over," Sirius whispered.

"You'd better not," Remus replied, but he was smiling.

"Moony, you know, it was really my id—_oomph_," James doubled over as Sirius sent a cushion flying into his stomach, miraculously missing all the food on the table. "Never mind," he said weakly. "I'm okay."

Laughing, Remus turned back to Sirius. The Animagus looked slightly wary. "I know that technically you shouldn't open gifts on Christmas Eve," he began.

Remus cut him off by placing a finger on his lips. "Some things are worth opening early, Padfoot," he replied, and saw Sirius flash an answering grin to his own.

As his family gradually came into the room and sat down at the long table for the annual Christmas dinner, Remus, slipping a hand into Sirius's under the table, felt that all in all, this was shaping up to be the best Christmas ever.

**_End._**


End file.
